JUST THE THREE OF US...

Back where I should be, where I feel I should have been a while ago.  But things work out the way they should.  Yes I'm out of rehab and back with my guys.  They are able to devote more time to my recovery than anyone else...1000 times better than rehab.  I feel that Bordeaux can't devote enough time to the care and help and well being of anyone there. We are all day constantly doing something to better things for me.  As for me right now I am laying here with a special boot on.

Very similar to this boot.  What it's doing is trying to bend my ankle, get it right as well as my leg, to make sure my leg is turned correctly. On top of that there is exercise with the therabands. 

And the torture of it being pushed into place.  Gotta love a friend that is willing to hurt you...lol

Needless to say I'm really glad to be home and excited to see where this takes us three. It's really nice being with the guys I've really missed them, mom, dad and sweet Jakob. We all three have great plans and I couldn't ask for better care. Ready for Dad and Dave to visit..  Ready for my family through one of my guys to visit, and ready for friends.  I truly had no idea how much I needed this.

THE TIME HAS COME...

Thankfully the time has come to say goodbye to this rehab center I'm in..

truthfully I was beginning to think it would never happen.

I've been here for 15 months,  I've met some really good people, but this is not for me.

I'm young still and I need to be with people who love me.

Coming here I was scared I didn't think I would get any better, but I did. I may not be 100% but I'm a lot better now than I was when I came here. I came with a trach in and not being able to stand or have my feet touched at all. Now my only issue is I cant stand and I know that my friends will help me get to that point.  I'd like to think that I will be 100% but I'm not foolish enough to think that, but I do believe I will not be bed bound forever.

Being here has given me a better sense of what people go through, not only the patients but the staff.

Staff that has to work short handed everyday and because of them having to work short the patients don't get the care they need, but that is another entry.

Maybe now that I am not gonna be here any longer just maybe I can focus on issues I went through while I was here.

I will be posting my progress and hopefully be posting a lot more..

Wish me luck in this new endeavor.

I'll be seeing you soon.

BEAUTY?

I'm a big girl. I have been ever since my teens. I've heard over the years that I would be so pretty if I lost weight. I was just flipping the channels on the tv and on one of these channels was one of these new weight loss shows..The show is about, based on the title and my opinion, getting revenge on others by losing weight. This semi-quasi famous person was sitting there with an over weight woman and I literally heard her say ' but you have such a pretty face '. In this day and age you have this person who was considered over weight her whole life, now skinny, telling people that basically if they were to lose the weight they would be pretty. This demeans everything that we have all been trying to accomplish in size equality. We are trying to prove to kids nowadays that it doesn't matter what size you are, that you are beautiful no matter what. So you have this so called famous person putting the walls back up that we are trying to tear down. When are people going to realize that saying things like this is so damaging to young girls, it them makes think that because of their size that they are not beautiful. This is not true. Remember no matter what your size, color, age, you are beautiful. I hope at some point everyone will realize this.

LOOKING BACK

Last night I watched a couple of movies from my childhood...  One movie that is very cheesy very much an '80's movie but brings back so many memories..The first of three movies I watched was Better Off Dead with John Cusack.. If you've never seen it then I really suggest you take the time to just sit back and watch this movie.. "I want my $2" if and when you watch this movie you will understand what that means.. has to the the best part of the movie. Watching this movie has made me want to watch all those other 80's movies I loved.  Sixteen Candles, Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, Some kind of wonderful....even Lucas.

But then I moved on to another favorite and again I encourage you to see this movie also or at least read the book which Ive done both...  Something Wicked this way Comes.. Its a Ray Bradbury book and that in and of itself should make you want to read the book.  The movie is pretty good also and it took be back to my childhood which was nice.

The last movie is called The Big Blue.  I remember watching this movie with my mother and brings back such good memories, especially right here when her birthday is in a few days, and yes I did cry not just because of the movie but because of my mother.  Now in watching this last movie I realized that this type of movie is something that most people will not like and will not understand, I also realized that this movie is something that is not and never will be mainstream. I can think of only one other person that would sit and watch this movie with me.  It will make you cry and can be difficult to understand and as a young kid watching this movie I know that I didn't comprehend everything that I should of, thankfully me and mom watched it more than once.  It brought back such great feelings and memories.

I encourage everyone to just take a day and watch those old movies that you loved growing up, share them with your friends, kids if you have them, nieces and nephews or just sit back and watch them alone with a bowl of popcorn.  Go back and enjoy a bit of childhood its good for the soul!

LIFE RULES

A friend of a friend posted this on Facebook yesterday, and when I read it I kept thinking how profound it is.  So I wanted to share it here and of course add my two cents also.

#1 Make peace with your past, so it wont screw up your present

I've said something very similar to this for years.  As an adult you can no longer blame your parents, or any other person that treated you wrong.  How many times have we heard, "I am like this because of my childhood" well sure shit happens but as an adult you know what is right and wrong, there comes a time in life when you have to account for your own actions.

#2  What others think of you is none of your business

Truer words have never been spoken. Why worry what other people think about you, all that should concern you is your own opinion on yourself.  If you are happy with who you are then that is what matters, now if your not happy with you then you are the only that can change that.

#3 Time heals almost everything, give it time

This is very true and whoever has ever been through a tragedy then you know that this is true.  Be it a bad breakup, a death in the family, loss of a job, whatever it is in time this will not hurt as bad and you will be able to think back on it and not be devastated, heartbroken, angry, sad. Just give it time.

#4 Don't compare yourself to others and don't judge them. 

You have no idea what their journey is all about.

When you see someone in this journey that we call life, you have no idea what that person is going through.  There are things that we can see but a lot of the shit we go through in this life is not shown on the outside. You don't know if that person is suffering, hurting, hungry, tired.  You don't know, so in  my opinion don't judge them. You truly have no idea what they are going through in their life. 

#5 Stop thinking so much, it's alright not to know the answer every time,

it will eventually come to you

Sometimes in life we think way to much.  I don't know about you men but I know us women over think a lot of things, it's usually never the simple answer for us. Women analyze things so much that by the time we are done we have broken everything down into tiny pieces that we no longer recognize and we have now either blown things out of proportion or made ourselves sick with worry that what we have come up with is the truth, and yes most of the time its the worst possible scenario. So everyone stop over thinking it will be detrimental to your mental health.
#6 No one is in charge of your happiness except you
So many of these are linked together.  If you read back over the previous numbers I've already mentioned this.  You are an adult only you have the ability to change things so get to it, not happy in life change it. You know what is not making you happy so change it, be happy with you cause when your happy with you others will be happy with you too.
#7 Smile you don't own all the problems in the world
You can only change/effect so much in life. But I'm telling you happy likes happy.  If your happy then other people that are happy will notice this and will be attracted to you. People will see that you are happy and want to be a part of that.. So never lose your Happy!
All in all I'm just trying to tell ya, Be happy with yourself and treat people the way you want to be treated. This life is too short not to be happy people, So please find your happy within yourself and then you'll find your happy every where else. 💚💚

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS?

It's that time of year again. It's a new year and I'm sure you are all asking yourselves, 'What should my New Year's Resolutions be?'

Well my idea is to not make New Year's resolutions. As we all know New Year's resolutions rarely get any farther than the end of January. So I plan on making life changes that I feel I can actually reach.

1. Get out of this nursing home/rehab hell

2. I love to say walk again which is my end goal but I will say that at best I at least want to be able to stand and take a few steps.

3. I want to get over my hesitation/fear of writing the intimate issues I want to blog about.

These are the things that I plan on changing this year.

I believe we should make changes that can be met realistically.

Instead of the huge resolutions of :  I'm going to exercise, make the choice to park farther away from the door when you go to the store, or take the stairs, make the choice to do something than can actually be achieved, something than can be changed for the long haul, instead of going from no exercise to I'm going to exercise everyday. Choose to not drink that regular pop, or eat smaller portions ( was told once that ya know you have to eat everything on your plate).

So good luck and I hope that we call can reach our personal choices.